the bowl is already broken...

Is it me or nowdays, there is a lot of lesbian anime being subbed?.
i dont hate yuri/lesbian but always avoided it.

i much better like yaoi.*__*

Oof!

of all people i know, i have a feeling for a drag queen.
well, the reason is.
he is truly nice, look manly and a time keeper.

darn!

i thought he is just those guys with girly fetish but still like girls.
regretly not.

thank goodness, i've my suspicious but nevertheless, what a girl can do
against a beautiful man that is.

LOL

My feet hurts.
My fingers all numb and hurting.

Just imagine, after having Final Exam for my Intro to Commercial General Practice, we have a lunch with my Ms.Charan, our beloved teacher. Soon to be no more.

Then, my gang need to voice their stress. So they choose karaoke!

argh...never went for karaoke before!
I think my head, which already pounding, is more hurt than the norm.

LOL

it feels nice too, to see al the frog voices and the shrieking voices, thats includes me...

Hopefully our result is worth it!

It was 1993.
The first time i like a guy is during my Secondary School, Sekolah Menengah Dato' Haji Hassan Yunos.
A rural school and rundown building. Just perfect i think for a small town.
it's really comfy.

At that time i was 13 years old.
Had a huge crush at a prefect. His name is Nazir.
He is so handsome, and I bet he still is now.
I gave him a love letter.
I put it in his bicycle's basket.
I tell him, i like him.
But I am afraid to see him face to face.
Then, i got chicken out.
I avoid him, afraid what he gonna say.
I got scared...

Then, it was no more. He finished school.
Me?. I didnt say anything to him at all.

I wish i can say i like him now.

I'm honestly give up with man.

I have giving chances to three guys on different timing of course.
Let's say it's A, B and C.

A
It's totally a shy guy.
Good manners and good family.
But lacking in confidents.
I ask him out, he reject me.
Duh...!
I guees I am not the one for him.

B
He's a IT dude. Dont like to follow order.
Dont like to work with someone.
Self-employed is his style.
Well, dearie, if you think u can manage, u should have been suceed few years ago.
Still, now you're dangling from one odd job to another odd job.
Finally, after 3 times arriving late at our date, you stood me up at 6.30pm.
I wash my hand off you!
(I still wondering how can i cope up with this selfish bastard?)

C
He got all the manners, the requirements in making a family.
But, he is totally emotionally unstable.
How come you asks me a lot of sacrifices -
makes myself beautiful,
makes myself thinner
But, you yourself are totally opposite of it.
You are really a jerk.
You say you need someone strong to handle your emotions and mentally.
But you never thought of how would the girl feels about.
arent you bloody selfish.

SImple as it is...men are stupidly selfish. And women easily trapped by them.
Including me.

I hate doing audit.
I hate it because it makes me sleep.
I told my boss, if you want to bring me to meeting, i think you better not.
I may sleep right away!

Dont you think people's voice is such a lullaby when we get bored?
For me yes.

So i was doing the audits, keep yawns all the time.Bah!

Oh no!
Tomorrow is examination day!
I'm dead.

the first time i met him, he's old. we're 16 yrs old apart.
after 3 months knowing him.
i feel like i didnt know him...

i'm tired of this.

then i notice few things so contrast yet peculiar ...

he's the one to start the relationship...but later on got second thought about it.
he's the one who says 'i love you'...but later on not sure what came out from his own mouth.
he's the one who says 'I'm his'...but later on ignoring me.
he's the one who says wants to get married early...then backs down because he says he's being too emotional and unstable in feelings.
he's the one who says to me to continue show my initiative to get him...but he doesnt give the same towards me.

*sobs*
*cries*

is it wrong if i say 'i miss him...?' ...then he say he didnt believed me?
am i being a fool to try another chance at love?
how do you want me to stay cherishing if there is no good signs from his' ends?
i cant keep pampering someone else without receiving any care and love for a return.
i am not a stone...being bullied and starve of love...

in the end...i will you give u another chance till the end of this year...
good luck in retaining my heart.

Geez..it was a funny and a happy day for me!

i got a scholarship. in a condition i need to finish all 5 subjects within 2 years.
ok. Hopefully, i'll pass with flying colours.

and i was thinking, i want to ask for transfer to my hometown after finished studying.

i was getting rusty living in Kuala Lumpur. Bored actually. Nothing much if you've living for the past 14 years.

matriculation - university - working

Wait and see.

A good strategy.

i was still thinking.

She's 43 this year. I was so happy for her.
But you know what.
i actually hate wedding. regardless whose.

wedding makes me sad.
wedding makes me cry.
wedding gives me heartache.
wedding only left a feeling of sand in my mouth.

Well, i better toughen for this one. It my only sister. And i would not excape it.

*banzai*

I am tired.

The class has begun. The lecturer talks very FAST. I bet the bullet train get a second after that particular lecturer.

Fortunately, added to the fastest way of speech. The lecturer is quite nice and interesting. Which means, I DID not fall asleep while listening. ha ah ah ha.

have i told i got a scholarship?.

I GOT ONE!

ahahahhaa...pretty genius arent i?

eughhh!.

with added money in my pocket, i can spare a little for my housing loan. Yeah i got a apartment to pay, bills to settle, and etc.*_*

Life is very challenging.

I thought after finishing 6 years in primary school, 5 years in high school, 6 years in university, i would be free of SCHOOL!

But, it seems, fate much more 'naughtier' to me.*sobs*

I've to go to school again!. And this time is a professional diploma. *urgh!*
And it's terribly expensive too.
If I manage to escape it, I would. But my bosses ask me to goooooo!
*sobs*
*whines*
*cries*

Well, they do intended well, but my pocket is not.

Well, dearie, on 19th May my classes is starting. I'm dyinggggggggg.

*sobs*

I guess, I still got the look...*LOL*

I was boarding the commuter to my home around 9.45pm on Friday.
And you know what, a youngster is trying hard to tackle/try on me.
I was like....is he for real?.

So i spent the 15 minutes bewildered at the youngster antics just trying to get me to talk and laugh with him.
He was so cute....kinda my type too.
But darn, i have not even change phone no with him...considered that he has not yet asked for it.

And then i realised something....I feel like a child again at meeting boys during teens age.

And i wonder will i ever met that guy again?

His eyes is so gorgeous.
That's the first thing i thought when i see him.
At least, he is in the movie. Underworld Evolution.
His eyes is so cyan like.
*_*


I get shy when i stare at people. Well, i get shy even when i talk face to face with my superiors. My colleague said, i'm not good at picking the right answer'. Which means, i'm right in what i am doing but i'm not good in defending it.

i wonder how to rectify it.

I guess I'm a workholic?.
I guess, I am.
To the bone and my mind.

If work is the only thing keeps you sane for 30 years...it is the only thing that will not makes you sad unnecessarily.
Well, minus the lectures and angry clients which you need to face everyday at work.

It's Sunday...but my mind is really want to go to office.

My mom scolding me for returning late from work. he ehe he he...but Mom, work makes me happy.
It keeps me focus from the tedious things i need to ponder...
Such life and problems of life.

I bet, if my office is within walking distance. Every day i'll be in the office.

ho ho ho!

I used to have dreams...a lot of them.
I guess, it remains dreams.
When it comes to reality...u need to face it.
Nothing comes handy in this real world.

Men?
They are totally...how to say?...
 Not realible...yeah...that's the word.

Imagine, if a girl is already stable, you might encounter a single guy.
The guy either so no realiable or out of reach.

Well, i guess...all good guys is already taken.
Too many girls.

Eventually, work is my life partner...forever.

This picture's is not mine. Just borrow it from an anime. But, when i see this background.
It feels like me...walking...threading a lonely roads.