the bowl is already broken...

i know this guy from a marriage website.
he is younger than me by 2 years.
it's fine for me actually.
the gap not so big.

but.

we never met yet.
because i 'm in different state.

this make me remember where Tom Hanks and a lady DJ(cant remember the name) begin their relationship.
without meeting.
well, that is fiction.

my problem is...this guy already confessing love and misses to me.
i was like...???
is he for real?

what should i do?

Is it me or nowdays, there is a lot of lesbian anime being subbed?.
i dont hate yuri/lesbian but always avoided it.

i much better like yaoi.*__*

Oof!

of all people i know, i have a feeling for a drag queen.
well, the reason is.
he is truly nice, look manly and a time keeper.

darn!

i thought he is just those guys with girly fetish but still like girls.
regretly not.

thank goodness, i've my suspicious but nevertheless, what a girl can do
against a beautiful man that is.

LOL

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to loose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I’ll never give up
I guess it's half timin and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazin
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all’s fair in love and war
But I won’t need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazin
And bein in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get yeah
I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh promise you kid to give so much more than I get
I said love love love love love love love
I just haven't met you yet

My feet hurts.
My fingers all numb and hurting.

Just imagine, after having Final Exam for my Intro to Commercial General Practice, we have a lunch with my Ms.Charan, our beloved teacher. Soon to be no more.

Then, my gang need to voice their stress. So they choose karaoke!

argh...never went for karaoke before!
I think my head, which already pounding, is more hurt than the norm.

LOL

it feels nice too, to see al the frog voices and the shrieking voices, thats includes me...

Hopefully our result is worth it!

It was 1993.
The first time i like a guy is during my Secondary School, Sekolah Menengah Dato' Haji Hassan Yunos.
A rural school and rundown building. Just perfect i think for a small town.
it's really comfy.

At that time i was 13 years old.
Had a huge crush at a prefect. His name is Nazir.
He is so handsome, and I bet he still is now.
I gave him a love letter.
I put it in his bicycle's basket.
I tell him, i like him.
But I am afraid to see him face to face.
Then, i got chicken out.
I avoid him, afraid what he gonna say.
I got scared...

Then, it was no more. He finished school.
Me?. I didnt say anything to him at all.

I wish i can say i like him now.

I'm honestly give up with man.

I have giving chances to three guys on different timing of course.
Let's say it's A, B and C.

A
It's totally a shy guy.
Good manners and good family.
But lacking in confidents.
I ask him out, he reject me.
Duh...!
I guees I am not the one for him.

B
He's a IT dude. Dont like to follow order.
Dont like to work with someone.
Self-employed is his style.
Well, dearie, if you think u can manage, u should have been suceed few years ago.
Still, now you're dangling from one odd job to another odd job.
Finally, after 3 times arriving late at our date, you stood me up at 6.30pm.
I wash my hand off you!
(I still wondering how can i cope up with this selfish bastard?)

C
He got all the manners, the requirements in making a family.
But, he is totally emotionally unstable.
How come you asks me a lot of sacrifices -
makes myself beautiful,
makes myself thinner
But, you yourself are totally opposite of it.
You are really a jerk.
You say you need someone strong to handle your emotions and mentally.
But you never thought of how would the girl feels about.
arent you bloody selfish.

SImple as it is...men are stupidly selfish. And women easily trapped by them.
Including me.

I hate doing audit.
I hate it because it makes me sleep.
I told my boss, if you want to bring me to meeting, i think you better not.
I may sleep right away!

Dont you think people's voice is such a lullaby when we get bored?
For me yes.

So i was doing the audits, keep yawns all the time.Bah!

Oh no!
Tomorrow is examination day!
I'm dead.

You ask me how my day was as if it is same everyday
I say Im okay but you really dont know how I feel
Do you think i’ll be okay without you?
Are you okay without me?
The world without you is so hard that I blame myself for still breathing.

What should I do? Even now, I live each painful days because of your words
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me

Are we too late? Do we not have a chance?
I still think about you and you might know this
Finally is it this? Are we going to end like this? Is it okay with you?
I dont think I can do it. The love I find with you, I wont find it anywhere even if I die.

What should I do? If it isnt you no one else can hold my heart
Please hold me. And you know that even though the whole world tries to
No one can erase your memories. So please hold me

What should I do? Even now, I live each painful days because of your words
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me

Is it too late? Do we not have a chance?
But me, I still think about you, and you might not know.

the first time i met him, he's old. we're 16 yrs old apart.
after 3 months knowing him.
i feel like i didnt know him...

i'm tired of this.

then i notice few things so contrast yet peculiar ...

he's the one to start the relationship...but later on got second thought about it.
he's the one who says 'i love you'...but later on not sure what came out from his own mouth.
he's the one who says 'I'm his'...but later on ignoring me.
he's the one who says wants to get married early...then backs down because he says he's being too emotional and unstable in feelings.
he's the one who says to me to continue show my initiative to get him...but he doesnt give the same towards me.

*sobs*
*cries*

is it wrong if i say 'i miss him...?' ...then he say he didnt believed me?
am i being a fool to try another chance at love?
how do you want me to stay cherishing if there is no good signs from his' ends?
i cant keep pampering someone else without receiving any care and love for a return.
i am not a stone...being bullied and starve of love...

in the end...i will you give u another chance till the end of this year...
good luck in retaining my heart.

Geez..it was a funny and a happy day for me!

i got a scholarship. in a condition i need to finish all 5 subjects within 2 years.
ok. Hopefully, i'll pass with flying colours.

and i was thinking, i want to ask for transfer to my hometown after finished studying.

i was getting rusty living in Kuala Lumpur. Bored actually. Nothing much if you've living for the past 14 years.

matriculation - university - working

Wait and see.

A good strategy.

i was still thinking.

She's 43 this year. I was so happy for her.
But you know what.
i actually hate wedding. regardless whose.

wedding makes me sad.
wedding makes me cry.
wedding gives me heartache.
wedding only left a feeling of sand in my mouth.

Well, i better toughen for this one. It my only sister. And i would not excape it.

*banzai*

I've read a lot of original fanfiction. It means, it based on author's fiction not on manga/tv series.
These are my favourite. Why?.
These are written in long pages which makes adore it. I just love long stories.
And it full of angst too.

Oh yeah, for softhearted person, i would not recommended. Only tough girls.*_*

i would recommended these authors:-

Author: Kiix
http://original.adultfanfiction.net/authors.php?no=1296793469

Author: Lilith
http://original.adultfanfiction.net/authors.php?no=1296858693

Author:ElementChild
http://original.adultfanfiction.net/authors.php?no=1296809638

Author:MiriuOniaya
http://original.adultfanfiction.net/authors.php?no=1296850898

Author:Pesterme2
http://original.adultfanfiction.net/authors.php?no=1296869336

Author:Kabi
http://original.adultfanfiction.net/authors.php?no=1296820604

Author:VelvetMace
http://original.adultfanfiction.net/authors.php?no=1296772582

Author:Cokey The Cat
http://original.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=544204453

Author:TwistedHilarity
http://original.adultfanfiction.net/authors.php?no=1296799642

Author:Aathenaartisan
http://athenaartisan.livejournal.com/

Author:Maderr @ Amarreto
http://maderr.livejournal.com/

Author:Freece
http://freece.livejournal.com/

I really like this album.
Has anyone listen to it yet?

i downloaded it from a torrent. *_*
 
Kate Perry - I'm Still Breathing
I leave the gas on
Walk the allies in the dark
Sleep with candles burning
I leave the door unlocked
I'm weaving a rope and
Running all the red lights
Did I get your attention
Cause I'm sending all the signs and
The clock is ticking
and I'll be giving my 2 weeks

Pick your favorite shade of black
You'd best prepare a speech
Say something funny
Say something sweet
But don't say that you loved me

Chorus:
Cause I'm still breathing
Though we've been dead for awhile
This sickness has no cure
We're goin down for sure
Already lost a grip
Best abandon ship

Maybe I was too pale
Maybe I was too fat
Maybe you wanted better, better luck off in the sack
No formal education
and I swore way too much
But I swear you didn't f**king care
Cause we were in love

So as I write this letter and shed my last tear
No, it's all for the better
That we end this this year
Let's close this chapter
Say one last prayer
But don't say that you loved me

Chorus

I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
 

I am tired.

The class has begun. The lecturer talks very FAST. I bet the bullet train get a second after that particular lecturer.

Fortunately, added to the fastest way of speech. The lecturer is quite nice and interesting. Which means, I DID not fall asleep while listening. ha ah ah ha.

have i told i got a scholarship?.

I GOT ONE!

ahahahhaa...pretty genius arent i?

eughhh!.

with added money in my pocket, i can spare a little for my housing loan. Yeah i got a apartment to pay, bills to settle, and etc.*_*

Life is very challenging.

I thought after finishing 6 years in primary school, 5 years in high school, 6 years in university, i would be free of SCHOOL!

But, it seems, fate much more 'naughtier' to me.*sobs*

I've to go to school again!. And this time is a professional diploma. *urgh!*
And it's terribly expensive too.
If I manage to escape it, I would. But my bosses ask me to goooooo!
*sobs*
*whines*
*cries*

Well, they do intended well, but my pocket is not.

Well, dearie, on 19th May my classes is starting. I'm dyinggggggggg.

*sobs*

I guess, I still got the look...*LOL*

I was boarding the commuter to my home around 9.45pm on Friday.
And you know what, a youngster is trying hard to tackle/try on me.
I was like....is he for real?.

So i spent the 15 minutes bewildered at the youngster antics just trying to get me to talk and laugh with him.
He was so cute....kinda my type too.
But darn, i have not even change phone no with him...considered that he has not yet asked for it.

And then i realised something....I feel like a child again at meeting boys during teens age.

And i wonder will i ever met that guy again?

His eyes is so gorgeous.
That's the first thing i thought when i see him.
At least, he is in the movie. Underworld Evolution.
His eyes is so cyan like.
*_*


I get shy when i stare at people. Well, i get shy even when i talk face to face with my superiors. My colleague said, i'm not good at picking the right answer'. Which means, i'm right in what i am doing but i'm not good in defending it.

i wonder how to rectify it.

owwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

One thing for sure, Bleach is is ever predictable.
Ichigo got his ass being kicked again.
i wonder who gonna save him this time?.

the Arancar perhaps?.
those Arancar should be appearing sooner or later.
well, them being indebted to Uruhara.

blergh!